Last night Chad and I were debating what the date was and then realized that today was when the world was supposedly going to end. In my infinite lameness (and hoggish-ness) the first thing I thought in my head was, "Man, I wish I could have just one more Subway sandwich!" I told Chad what I had thought, he confirmed I am lame, we laughed, and then quit talking about the end of the world. A few minutes later though, I realized that even though wanting one more hoagie is by far the least climactic ending wish I could have, at least my first thoughts were not things like "I wish I had been a better mother, wife, daughter, friend, etc." I did not instantly think regretfully about things I wish I had done, or had, or seen.
To me, my first thought about wishing for one more hoagie, while trivial, and mundane, means that I do not have any serious regrets, or guilt about how I have lived my life so far. I give everything I have to being a good mother to Lu and wife to Chad. I love and care for my parents, and grandparents and family and try to help them out and be with them as much as I can. I have probably been falling behind in the "being a great friend" department, but life is busy when Lucy has 8 therapy sessions a week, when we are trying to build a more accessible home, when I still have all of the regular household duties to tend to, and when I want to spend any spare second doing more and more to help Lu's progress. But I have great friends and they understand and love me even when I am neglectful.
So, even though I have never had "perfect behavior" in any of the above-mentioned roles, I am happy with how things have gone in life. I am so grateful to have Chad as my husband, he truly is, to use a cliche, "my rock", and I am his. We are so overwhelmingly grateful together to have such a beautiful and amazing daughter. (Geez, I didn't mean to get gushy!) Life is good. Maybe people who complain about their lives feel it isn't good if it isn't perfect, but I seldom strive for perfection. It's not realistic to do so and if that is your goal, you will likely be constantly disappointed.
I'm glad that it is almost 1:00pm and the world hasn't ended...I was pretty certain it wouldn't. I was just going to say that maybe one regret I might have is how much I love food and how much I eat, but then I thought of that hoagie again and I don't feel bad about that either. Have a nice time continuing to be alive!