Composed

At Lucy's two week appointment with her first pediatrician in Clarion , I was so nervous that she was going to give me a hard time because we had given up on nursing and switched entirely to formula. I explained to her that I just could not get her to latch on properly and nurse for any extended periods of time and that she had needed the calories to poop out the bilirubin from her jaundice, so I had given in and gave her a bottle (after five days of trying). Prior to this experience I had never believed that there were actual situations where women could not nurse and I certainly never considered that I would not be able to. But Lucy's doctor did not give me a hard time at all. On the contrary, she said that parents have ideas about how things will be, and then the kids come along and tell you how it's actually going to be and when it isn't the way you had envisioned it, you have to learn to be flexible. So she made me feel a lot more relaxed about the decision we had made to choose sanity and Lucy's health over our (my)own ideals.

That was just the first lesson that Lucy had to teach us about how things were going to be as her parents. Before her first birthday I kept thinking about how we would be able to run and play through the big yard all summer and how maybe she might "help" me a little in the garden. Instead Lucy got to go for wild wagon rides all through the yard and sat in the shade under a tree and watched while me and her Pappy planted the garden. I have always thought out toys for her to pretend with, but she doesn't do that yet and so I put some of them away the other day...just until she's ready for them. I often have to change all of Lucy's clothes and sometimes her diaper after a meal because she loses so much liquid when she drinks that she gets soaked. She can't tell me yet what she wants and needs which is frustrating for both of us. Today I made homemade bread for the first time by myself (without Nanny) and I so wish that Lucy could've been standing on a chair beside me with her hands sunk down into the goopy dough too,but someday she will hopefully be able to.

I guess probably all kids teach you lessons like this no matter what capabilities they do or do not possess. Maybe it is just the big lesson Chad and I are learning that Lucy is doing things differently than the average child and the way she does them is gradually and just not how we expected, but in her own little way.