Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The next steps...

Today we finally had Lucy's follow-up appointment with the neurologist that we saw in May. He did a bunch of stuff to test her reflexes and nerves and whatnot. While he did this several times he said, "oh your just not here with me are you?" and "You must have other things on your mind." because she just sat and smiled at him a lot of the time, but I guess she does that to us often too. After he examined her and talked to us for quite awhile he said he wanted an MRI done, which we figured would be the next step. He also wants to have an EEG done to check for seizure activity. He asked if she ever seems to be staring off into space and not responding to us and I said I felt like I have definitely seen her do that or a version of it and chad said he didn't really think he had ever seen anything like that, but of course I am with her all day. My mom also said she has seen her do that before too. Luckily, the EEG can be done at the Grays Woods site and we already have it scheduled for Monday of next week. The MRI will have to be in Danville and Lu will have to be sedated which is super scary, but it's a risk that we need to take it seems.
The doctor didn't say anything really surprising or unexpected, and I was prepared for him to confirm our concerns, which he did, but I still just felt somehow like a zombie or something. Chad said that he thought I would have a lot to say in the car on the way home and he kept looking at me expecting me to talk and talk, but I felt weird and not like talking much. Having been an early intervention special instructor, I am familiar with some of the diagnostic processes and I am certainly familiar with families struggles to try and find out what is happening with their child. I just never imagined that I would have to become so intimate with those things that I have previously just been "familiar" with. It's almost surreal to me that things I have had to learn so much about and help others with is now something my family and I are experiencing first hand. Like I have been in training for being Lucy's mom for years now. Actually, when I had to move on from the early intervention job for a more full time position while Chad was in college, I literally spent an entire day crying and lamenting the fact that I had to leave that job. I loved it, but I also had never felt so upset about quitting a job...ever! Was this why I wonder sometimes? I do not especially believe that "EVERYTHING happens for a reason" like people like to say, but I guess I do believe that things do have a way of falling into place or happening in a way that makes you think that it was supposed to work out the way it did. I have said several times that it's not like I became a dentist or a mail woman or something like that where I would have not learned a lick about the things that I learned in my special education classes or at any of the human service jobs that I have had since graduating from college.
It's been a long day and I am having trouble concentrating. I feel just kind of drained and sad and like I'm not really getting m point across effectively, so I'll try again tomorrow.

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