33

Today is my 33rd birthday. It surprises me to realize how very young that is. I feel much older a lot of the time. Physically, mentally, emotionally...I just feel aged. I have discovered myself to be more vain than I ever thought I would be as I grew older. Lu will be four in May and I still am working at losing pregnancy weight. Sometimes I work very hard to lose it, and sometimes I seem to work very hard to keep it. But I hate that I still have it. I hate my chin(s). Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I just look haggard...rundown...whooped. I don't mind wrinkles or the white hairs that have been popping up recently. What I mind the most is that I mind any of it! Get over yourself Julie! People age, quit crying around about it! So that's my mission most of the time, just to accept that I'm 33, not 23 anymore. I struggle with that mission.

Besides the nuisance of my vanity, I obviously have more important challenges to work through in a day. And even with those, I like to try and remember how much good I have in my life. First and foremost, not everybody is lucky enough to have a partner as amazing as Chad. We have been together for ten years...so he remembers when I was 23 and still loves me at 33. Not to toot our own horn, but as a team, Chad and I are a force to be reckoned with. We have accomplished a lot in these ten years and I am thankful every single day, even if I fail to always tell him so, that we found each other and have stuck together through all of the trials and tribulations we have faced. Because Chad goes to work every day to support us, we have a lovely new home, and everything else we need in life. Plus, Chad's work allows me to stay home and care for Lu myself, which is more important to us than anything money can buy. We have everything we need and who could ask for more?

This is Chad and I at 23, when we met working at Dunhams. We were dressed for Halloween, if that wasn't obvious! This is one of my favorite pictures of us, even though it is a little weird! It reminds me of when we fell in love.

I am grateful for Lu, each and every day. She is literally the most amazing person I have ever met. Even though Rett Syndrome totally sucks and makes her life so hard, there are still so many things to be thankful for. Since leaving school and getting her feeding tube, she is healthy! She has never had pneumonia! So far her spine is staying straight and not showing any signs of scoliosis, which doesn't mean it won't, but for now we can be glad it's not. She hasn't had any seizures yet. I am grateful that even though Lu has Rett Syndrome, at least she has it in the year 2014, and not 50, or 30, or even 20 years ago when so much less was known about it. I'm grateful that she has not shown any signs of having long QT syndrome which effects her heart working properly. I am grateful for technology, specifically Lu's Tobii, which allows her to communicate with us every day. I like to say, "Rett Syndrome sucks, but it doesn't suck as much as you think it will." So far that is the case anyway, and Chad and I try to remember that as often as possible.

When I was 23, if someone had told me that in ten years I would be living in Drifting, behind Mom and Dad, I would have said they were totally nuts! I have never had any intention of moving back to this area. But here I am, and I am glad. We are surrounded my family that love us and care for us, and support us, and I feel so lucky to have them in our lives. Here is a quote that I wanted to include in my last post, but forgot. It is also relevant to this one though:

"Any idiot can face a crisis- it's day to day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov

I let the day to day get me down sometimes, but then I try to remember all I have to be thankful for, and since it is a lot, I can usually cheer myself up. So, here's to turning 33 and staying alive for one more year! 

(I don't have a current picture of the three of us together! I'll have to work on that!)