The one where I whine a lot...

I am teetering on the brink of a break down. Not a real one, requiring like, medical intervention or anything (at least I don't think so), but I can just feel my mind and body saying "Julie, that is absolutely enough!" Unfortunately, listening is not entirely an option. I want to share the list of things I am currently planning, working on, stressing about, and tending to:
1.) building our house
2.) closing on the house, and making sure everything is in order
3.) trying to get Lucy a stander
4.) trying to figure out how to get insurance to pay for the special bottles that are helping Lucy to drink more effectively, and in turn not aspirate
5.) thinking about packing and moving
6.)Christmas
7.)trying to figure out how to go about getting Lu a "speech generating device", the My Tobii C12
8.) trying decide what type of bath chair would be best for Lucy's new rolli-in shower
9.) coordinating with a lady to possibly adopt a new dog, because it is so sad without a dog
10.)Lucy has a little ear infection and A LOT of congestion and is on her first antibiotic ever, and hasn't pooped in two days, which is becoming routine again, (to not go for two days i mean) even after increasing her Senna to a teaspoon, so now I will have to email the GI and tell him and go get a new prescription probably
11.)planning for preschool, even though it is early because I am so worried about finding the right place and the right people to entrust our sweet Lu to

I could probably think of some more things, but I'll stop at eleven. Sometimes, there's just too much to think about. Too much to do. Too much to worry about. I mean really, I'm the family's secretary, but my secretarial "work" is really super important, and I am very, very like a dog-with-a-bone, passionate about it. So I give my all, 24 hours a day, and then just sometimes everything gets to be too much. Like, the things I am working on so hard are to enable my daughter to be able to walk and talk, and receive a proper education. Pretty huge. So not only is it just a lot of thinking, typing, emailing, calling, pestering, planning, etc, etc, but it's also like, urgent to the max to me and Chad. Unfortunately, it's just that way to me and Chad, not the rest of the world, and I can only do so much.

So, I guess what I am saying is that I'm running on fumes here...which evidently makes me use the word "like" a lot. But I know it will be okay, I just need to get some rest, take a break from thinking and planning, and take a breath.  (Yeah right, as if that's going to happen!)

Goodbye to a good boy

On Sunday we went outside to practice in Lucy's new walker we are borrowing for the week. It was a beautiful fall day. Elmer has been pretty good at staying with us throughout the summer when we have left him off if his leash, so we thought he might enjoy some freedom while we were all outside. Elmer was excited and wound up and having fun, but then two motorcycles went past and Elmer took off after them and the second one hit him. Chad and I saw it happen; Lucy's back was to the road. Elmer died within moments after the accident.

The motorcyclists did not stop, but I'm sure maybe they were mad that someone had let their dog run out into the road and nearly make them wreck. I was so relieved that they didn't wreck, but so very heartbroken to have lost Elmer. And so enraged with myself for letting him off of his leash. This is why I want to shelter everyone from everything all of the time. But, I let him loose because living things need independence and freedom.

And now, three days later, it is so sad to go through the day constantly forgetting for a second that he is gone and expecting to hear him come running, or think its time to take him out or feed him. He was a stinker, but such a sweetie too, and just a puppy. I assumed that he would be with us for a long, long time and he would be Lu's best pal, and he was so very sweet with her. He knew very early on that he was not to mess with her, and the rule was that she could basically do whatever she wanted to him because that was what she could do at that moment, and he had to take it. She always meant well, and he seemed to know that.

I miss how he would come sit down beside me on the floor in the morning while I gave Lu her juice, or how he would lay beside me while I bathed Lucy and then would nap in front of the shower while I showered. He was just such a good boy and he is very sadly missed here at the Shaffer house.